May 2012
0 posts
This is for the things I don’t say enough, ...
April 2012
4 posts
Run, running all the time Running to the future...
Save up all the days A routine malaise Just like...
I was out of your league And you were 20,000...
March 2012
14 posts
Josh,
Oopsie read your post! I honestly was surprised to see you write something haha. Oh stop, this isn’t about you hurting me anymore. We’ve hurt each other. I gave you a terrible time with that Christmas gift and at the beach, so now we’re even. Sorta. Haha (bad joke). Being back in Esco sure makes me fantasize a lot. If you haven’t noticed already. I know, I know. You want me to get over...
So I’m assuming you don’t go on here. So basically, I seem like I have schizophrenia.
No, you aren’t a schizophrenic. My tumblr is untouched. I don’t want you to see all the crap that goes on in my head. It would drive you crazy. I know this because everything you post makes me crazy but I control myself and do not act on these emotions. I still watch your posts like a hawk every...
Don’t ever let what you did define you as who you are and who you’re going to be. I know the good in your heart. I know you succumbed to your own demons. And that’s it’s natural for humanity to slip up and disappoint people. When I lost my virginity, my mom never looked at me the same for the longest time. But I knew she forgave me. Because I started studying again. I started going to the...
I don’t want to sever. At all. I know I hurt you. That is never what I wanted. But it happened anyways. I want to be the great guy who you could spend the rest of your life with. But how can I do that when I make such large mistakes? I’ve been not contacting you and being mean in hopes you will forget about me. And move on. How can I be that guy when we are separate in religion? How do...
I know it was about Jason. It also applied to me too.
You knew I was still in love with you. And the last I checked, you were in love with me too. Just because we lost the title, we never lost the love. You talked to me about ducks, and you told me I was cute. Just like we used to do. We typed posts on tumblr. We texted. We missed each other. And we said, that we would hope to be together...
But then bam, pain intersects it and all I see is your face. And hers. Flooded with lust. The way you looked at me, but with her. And then I think of the time we walked to the beach. But then I hear the moans. The groans.
You could have found me. You could have sat next to me. You could have texted me. You could have said, “Sara we need to talk.” And just gave me the apology I deserved. But...
If you call that bowing on your knees and asking for forgiveness,
you can kiss my ass. You love me? Yeah? Prove it, or shut your dirty little mouth.
It’s the fact that you apologized through a pathetic little post instead of directly to me in the first place.
I want to kill myself imagining the things you did with her. Literally want to put my head into a grinder. You’re disgusting.
...
I guess I just wish I was important enough in your life to try to help me fix what we had. I wish I was so valuable that you never said yes to her. But I wasn’t. I was nothing. And you kept telling me you wanted me to be happy.
How did I overlook this? If you deserved me I would. But you do not deserve this. You really don’t. You shouldn’t waste your time on me. You do not know...
I know this sounds fake to you and un-genuine but I still love you too. You do not even have to take that into thought. You have all the right to not believe me. I have had difficulty expressing myself lately that is for sure. You have all the right and then some to be however mad at me you would like to be. I have made some mistakes that can never be taken back. And my self worth and view of...
I do not have pride. My pride is gone. I took that away from myself. The pride you speak of is no longer anywhere. You want me to bow down on my knees? If that is what you are looking for the least I can do is give you satisfaction.
Sara, I am sorry for all of the heartache, pain, uneasiness, stress, hurt, tears, and time I have drug you through. You did not deserve any of this. You never...
I assumed when you said don’t even talk to me again. dont ever text me. talk to me. ever. I assume that was serious. I forget sometimes to not take things so literal. I did apologize. If you would like another apology I would be more that obligated to say Sorry. I have no excuse. I own up to it fully. It was my fault. I could have done things differently. So many thing differently. I have...
You know
Or you know that you did. You don’t care is you are alone as long as she forgets about the pain you put her through and moves on to a better guy. You know she made you feel better. You know you loved her. You know you destroyed her. You know she will never believe you. Ever. You know that you learn from mistakes. You know what it is like to be the bad guy. You know how horrible it is. You...
You know
You’ve fucked up when you cannot even think about her without your stomach violently climbing up your esophagus to choke your tongue and asphyxiate you. When you know you messed up and she didn’t deserve any of it. When nothing you say or do can fix what you did. You know your emotions don’t lie when you still want to beat the crap out of the assholes in her life who don’t...
I look back on everything
Finally visiting your tumblr after a business week away. I am glad to see that you are finding the joy in your life once again that I crushed into a thousand tiny little pieces. And even though it makes me sad, it somehow in an odd way warms my heart that you are still thinking about me. If you really want me to answer that question why did I give up on you I can. And I really don’t see it...
February 2012
12 posts
Nameless
Last night was the weirdest night of my entire life.
That seems like it must have been a pretty extreme night. I kind of knew the whole Jason thing was going to happen because I knew that he liked you since the first time you talked about the way he acted around you. I called it but you didn’t believe me. I guess I was right to have all the initiative to not like him. I am really glad...
Pickled Beets
Always tempted to see what goes on in your mind every day. But I don’t give in. Because I know how I’ll feel. I’ll feel either flattered by you thinking about me or I’ll most likely be disappointed. There’s nothing more disappointing than reading about someone who you thought was your true love loving you too and then rambling on about moving on. I mean, what’s the game here? There must be one...
I close both locks below the window
I close both...
I still went on your page
After I told myself not to. It is like an addiction. I hate it, but I somehow deep down inside of me still am driven to check it every waking second I have. I made some mistakes. With you. With how I handled situations. With closing you out when you wanted me to care for you. With embellishing you with things when you only wanted me. I smoked that one night when I found out you had been talking to...
I know you wont read any of this.
It’s okay. I don’t mind and realize that you cannot get anywhere if you just continue to beat yourself up looking at stuff I post when you do not have to. I do not want that for you. I still go on your tumblr even though I am not supposed to and it just makes me miss you and hurt with/for/because of you and everything you are. It is hard for me when I want to be there with you and I...
Miss Traczyk,
I do want you. I want everything to do with you. I dont know how you could feel like I don’t miss you. I listened to music for the first time since we broke up. I couldn’t handle it. I haven’t even been able to turn on the radio and chime in. Music brings all these emotions to the top. I am just fine on my steroids handling everything perfectly thanks for caring and giving me...
needing
Verb: Require (something) because it is...
I understand
You do what you have to do. I do not want to hold you back from bettering yourself. And I apologize if I have done so with my posts. I just know that I always want to be a part of your life in some way. And I know that your memories will never leave me. If you don’t/can’t look at my tumblr anymore that is fine. I only post on it for you because I made it for you. I don’t even...
Thank You
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I will be just fine. Like you says I always am. That I am bulletproof. I leave in a few minutes. Thank you for all of this. It was so warming and true. I truly know and believe that if you could be there for me you would and I...
I am glad that
You had/are having a good day today. And I am glad that you are becoming more involved in your religion because I know you wanted that. It makes me happy. Thanks for thinking of me and giving me credit of helping you in your mind. Wishful thoughts my way will always be appreciated.
My day was mediocre at best. I woke up and talked to my pen pal which was a great time. It is always fun talking to...
I do value what you have to say
I am on your Tumblr every day:
I know that Ben ran away again.
I know if I am a runner that I should do toe raises.
I know you have had stressful days.
I know you have annoying neighbors.
I know you had a bad test score.
I know you miss me.
I know you aren’t feeling good about yourself currently.
I know burning everything I ever gave to you crosses your mind.
I know that kitties are...
It’s funny that you mention it, because...
January 2012
2 posts
Sara.
I really REALLY miss you too.
And I wonder every day if you’re thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about you. But I know you’re probably not. You’ve moved on. I guess I have to too.
Suffering in Biblical terms.
2 Peter 3:19- “The lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient towards you, not wishing that any should perish,...
#Vent
I’m sorry that I walked away. I don’t know what sparked it. The light bickering. The emotional you which was understandable. The mindset that was taking over. The effort. The guilt in taking you away from your religion. The steroids I was on that cluttered my mind like a rainy day. Or was is some volatile concoction of everything just slowly burning me away. It might have been the...
As I sit at home, alone, I reflect on...
December 2011
5 posts
This is a really cute song that makes me think of...
As I clear the spiderwebs from my tumblr and...
I love feeling home, whole, young, fun, free,...
You make me want to listen to Oldies. I...
November 2011
18 posts
I would do ANYTHING to get to Santa Catalina,...
I had such an incredible time today Sara. I love...
I know that times get rough, I know that life...
Even if it was not physical, I could still feel...
I meant to post this song last night but I fell...
When
You listen to your girlfriends playlist for the first time in a few weeks and you realize:
It has completely transformed.
Her playlist sounds like pickling beets.
Every song is about you.
You feel every emotion in every single line in every single song.
You fall more in love with her(SOMEHOW!!!!!).
Oh girlfriend I love you too.
That just might be just what I need (to get me...
I’ll always keep you warm in the cold.
...
When you love someone so much it hurts. I miss...
Going the Distance <3
I’m always here...
You(in song) = Sara = <3
You’re just too...
I could have sworn I posted this last night. But...
This song does not begin to express even 1% of...